Quiet Our Wants

Quiet our wants….hmmm. Sort of like when you were little and someone would look and say ‘shhhhhh!’ That surfacing of desire and feelings quickly dampened by a cold look or inconsiderate ‘shhhh.’ I’ve spent a good chunk of this life trying to figure out what is right or wrong. When to run with my wants or those of others. Many hours racing around to help someone while mine were quieted, in the corner, waiting for some unknown time.  Being raised to serve others is a good thing but not when you give every last bit of yourself until there’s nothing left to give. To let your needs go so far down to the bottom of the barrel where it gets so dark you can barely see them anymore, is a silence that dismantles. All that time waiting until someone sees in your eyes that you have needs too. It’s that someone who tells you ‘no’ when you offer to help because they can see you need to rest. And the many signs come, like the tears that flow so easily just from a regular conversation or the beauty of a clear day. That’s when I know my cup is full and I step back to look and shine the light down, inside the barrel, to find what s left of me.

Crooked

Crooked: something bent, not straight, twisted and misaligned.  Not truthful, not open or upfront. Does life get this way sometimes when we continue to brush things under the rug and not communicate and then when we do the perceived straight path goes into some jagged, crooked, crooked road that we don't even recognize?  Loosing ground beneath our feet and feeling like we've taken so many steps back after working so hard to make the ones that brought us forward. Commitment to doing what is right, making good choices so as to not hurt someone else or yourself.  Crookedness is a barrier, a big hurdle to jump over rather than become or go through because it tears down all you've built in time in a  split second and leaves you feeling less than you are.  Part of humanness.  When you do something wrong and need to build back up, it builds strength, courage and determination. It builds compassion for others going through their crooked paths.  I'm jumping over it and leaving it all behind for working with all that has been given  me…all the gifts of my family and the people in my life, my inner gifts and love I have deep down that will pull me out of this dark feeling that I'm bad, not good enough and always doing wrong… some old belief pattern instilled when I was a young girl or perhaps a past life.  I do good in the world and will continue to do good, without hurting others.  This is the road I walk.

Have a great one...
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