Quiet our wants….hmmm. Sort of like when you were little and
someone would look and say ‘shhhhhh!’ That surfacing of desire and feelings
quickly dampened by a cold look or inconsiderate ‘shhhh.’ I’ve spent a good
chunk of this life trying to figure out what is right or wrong. When to run
with my wants or those of others. Many hours racing around to help someone while
mine were quieted, in the corner, waiting for some unknown time. Being raised to serve others is a good thing but
not when you give every last bit of yourself until there’s nothing left to
give. To let your needs go so far down to the bottom of the barrel where it
gets so dark you can barely see them anymore, is a silence that dismantles.
All that time waiting until someone sees in your eyes that you have needs too. It’s
that someone who tells you ‘no’ when you offer to help because they can see you
need to rest. And the many signs come, like the tears that flow so easily just from
a regular conversation or the beauty of a clear day. That’s when I know my cup
is full and I step back to look and shine the light down, inside the barrel, to
find what s left of me.
