Thursday, October 23, 2014

Quiet Our Wants

Quiet our wants….hmmm. Sort of like when you were little and someone would look and say ‘shhhhhh!’ That surfacing of desire and feelings quickly dampened by a cold look or inconsiderate ‘shhhh.’ I’ve spent a good chunk of this life trying to figure out what is right or wrong. When to run with my wants or those of others. Many hours racing around to help someone while mine were quieted, in the corner, waiting for some unknown time.  Being raised to serve others is a good thing but not when you give every last bit of yourself until there’s nothing left to give. To let your needs go so far down to the bottom of the barrel where it gets so dark you can barely see them anymore, is a silence that dismantles. All that time waiting until someone sees in your eyes that you have needs too. It’s that someone who tells you ‘no’ when you offer to help because they can see you need to rest. And the many signs come, like the tears that flow so easily just from a regular conversation or the beauty of a clear day. That’s when I know my cup is full and I step back to look and shine the light down, inside the barrel, to find what s left of me.